I can feel you judging me through the phone.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
