all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
