how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
