I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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