Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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