i already hear my dad disowning me
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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