it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
