A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Is it penis luge time yet?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize