my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
