Dual....:-)
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
