he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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