he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
