i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
