he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
