Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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