he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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