She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
