Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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