I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
