dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he shaved USA in his pubs
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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