What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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