After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
