I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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