even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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