Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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