there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
