i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
