remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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