Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
