He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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