is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize