took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
