Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
