My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
