So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
