My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
