I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
