Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
