your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
