I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
