Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
