So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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