Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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