THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
