Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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