I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
