Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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