she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
