u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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