I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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