when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
