And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
