: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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