omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
