From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
two words...techno handjob
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
did i just pee glitter
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
