So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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