I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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