If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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