It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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