Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
