woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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