watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
