So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize