you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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