what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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