just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
