By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
