a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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